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[personal profile] ceranovis posting in [community profile] yogsfriends
 Sadly, KirinDave has decided the stress tumblr causes him outweighs the positives and he will be password locking his blog in the next 24 hours.

Here's his original goodbye post.

For those who don't get the chance to see it before the blog is password locked, I've pasted the contents below the cut. I hope we can all wish Dave the best. 

If you don't already know about sassytail's appreciation project for Dave, I encourage you to go check it out and leave him some kind words through that. 

Welp! I’m out!

Friends, enemies, random passerbys! I implied this was coming earlier, but I’m going to be shutting down my Tumblr for the foreseeable future. This page is going to remain un-password-locked for about 24 hours, then I’m going to lock it and all of my sub-blogs to a password. I’ve decided Tumblr is not the place for me.

I’d really like to give a warm thanks to all the people who interacted with me fairly and/or positively on Tumblr, and gave me at least a few mistakes before they wrote me off totally. I’ve learned a lot by being here, but one of the things I’ve learned is that it’s not a good idea for me to remain here.

Why I’m Leaving

My very first early experiences with Tumblr was with people immediately assuming that as a white person living a cisgender, heterosexual life that I was here to fight. I immediately got sucked into a bunch of conflicts I didn’t understand. At the same time, I became the focal point of conflict with a small contingent of pro-gamergate on Tumblr and a group of people furious that I had any opinion on non-binary people at all (one way or another). They doctored a bunch of screenshots and made some fake twitter accounts trying to pretend I was secretly a massive anon troll.

I turned off anon asks, and that made it a lot better. But I’ve consistently dealt with a lot of very stress-inducing behavior from a lot of people. People who do everything they can to get my attention, even following me to other social media networks to harass me and then demand apologies when I make a mistake in the heat of the moment. I never claimed I was above mistakes, only that I’d learn from them.

But also, I am a big downer for this fandom. Right now I’m deeply wrapped up in trying to make Silicon Valley a better, more diverse place to work and make the world of Software not such a festering cesspit of alpha sexism, internalized misogyny and transphobia. I want to help the Skeptical movement purge itself of the transphobic assholes who took it over.

These things are important to me, and I think important in general, but they really don’t have any place in what is essentially a blog for Yogscast fandom. And I can’t really help but talk about them! Especially when I see so many great resources I want to signal boost here.

Finally, it’s no secret I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for awhile. My current medication works and stabilizes me, but it’s also making me gain weight and have heart palpitations at a rate that puts me in severe risk. I’m going to need to switch medications and see how that works; a process which leaves me very vulnerable to negative influences. There are people who want to make me feel bad, and I’m not going to be here while vulnerable to that.

A Series of Appreciations

  1. Thank you to all the brilliant artists who decided to take what I was making and then make something beautiful out of it. My characters would never have been as detailed and textured if I wasn’t able to crib visual and plot notes from the wealth of fanart out there. Special mention here for Jekyll, Boa, Padfood, Tenlayer, and Ceranovis, but there are many others who had smaller interactions that I appreciaed a lot.
  2. Donotchoosesidesyet and Sassytail have been superhuman in their patience with all my questions, and good friends. Thank you very much for having a bit of faith in me.
  3. The mods of Problematic Yogscast, for all our disagreements, have been amaizng people to talk to. Very few experienced adult activists walk the line of calling people out on their problems while still maintaining an open mind as well as they do, and many of them are young. In particular, I really wanna thank Mod A and Mod M.
  4. A deep thanks to Hannah and Kim for helping me get over the first, shocking wave of harassment and realize why so many people wanted to bother me. Thank you, ladies. It was awhile ago, but I still feel like I owe you alot.
  5. Finally, thank you to those who helped me understand the concepts of demisexuality and gender fluidity. First and foremost here to mention is Nerdepic (who had initial conversations with me about it), but there are others who are less public (or previously mentioned) I’ll avoid mentioning for the sake of their privacy. My entire young adult life was punctuated by me trying to find ANYONE who understood some of the feelings I had and didn’t have, and a lot of people (even in the LGBT community) told me I was a liar, a narcissist, or worse. I wish I could have grown up around someone as talented and courageous as you. Maybe then I could have not spent 2/3 of my life meticulously ignoring part of myself.

Whew, still not sure I should have been so specific about that last one… But “whoops my hand slipped,” I guess?

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